


Nathan Comes Back

by tinyginger



Series: Haven, Maine [3]
Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: College, Drug Withdrawal, Drugs, F/M, Father-Son Relationship, Healing, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, Implied/Referenced Mass Shooting, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Original Character(s), Multi, Nathan asks for help, Pancakes, Pre-Canon, Rehab, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Withdrawal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:22:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23100883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyginger/pseuds/tinyginger
Summary: While away at college, Nathan "copes" with Duke leaving and the rest of his traumas. He get in too deep and ends up needing to go back to Haven.
Relationships: Garland Wuornos & Nathan Wuornos
Series: Haven, Maine [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1649257
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> It's dark for a little. But gets better. He actually asks for help, I am as shocked as you are.

Nathan sat on his father’s desk in the police station, waiting for the Chief to get back from a call. Nathan has enjoyed being at college, but college had not been kind to him. After the night of graduation, Nathan hasn’t been the same. He had gone on the camping trip with Dwight, and drank so much he doesn’t remember any of it. Dwight was nice about it though, and made sure Nathan was safe. 

But Nathan didn’t have a Dwight at college. His roommate, Kent, was the dealer for the hall, the Law department , and most of the Lit majors. Nathan got the “roommate” perk, meaning if he kept his mouth shut and covered for Kent then he got first dibs on all products and they were free. 

The drive from campus to Haven was not long, but it felt like it to Nathan. During breaks, Nathan came home, sober, and unhappy. Two days in and he would be itching to leave Haven and itching for a fix. Though, he never called it that. Nathan didn’t want to admit he had a problem, because he didn’t. It wasn’t a problem for him. He was still getting good grades, due mainly to the adderall and his stubbornness. He wasn’t trying to actively die, so he was fine in his and Kent’s book. He wasn’t showing up to the dorm, black out drunk, bloody and bruised from head to toe at 3 am anymore… so that was good. In his mind he was doing okay. 

He wasn’t. He was actually falling into a deep hole. He had no one. Kent wasn’t helping. Nathan would take a minute, sober up, and start actually trying to maintain his health and actually eat food, and actually sleep more than two hours without the help of narcotics. But Kent would always get a restock right around the time Nathan’s cravings started to get bad again and it was so easy for Nathan to go back to his old habits. 

Easy… until Kent was expelled and later arrested. Leaving Nathan with no roommate, no dealer, and no friend. 

That’s when Nathan decided to drive back to Haven whilst in the middle of withdrawal and beg his father to help him. He had taken his last final, filling in answers with a shaking hand and blurry vision, choking back vomit and tears, shivering and sweating in his seat while the words of too many questions swam on the paper. He turned his exam in, weak and wobbly legs carried him to the front of the room where the professor's desk was. Then he had left, grabbed his bag from his near empty dorm room, hopped in his beloved truck, and headed for Haven. 

His father didn’t know he was coming, neither did half the officers at the station who were all shocked when they saw Nathan walk in, looking sickly and sad. 

“I caught something,” Nathan explained to the people who had watched him grow up. “With finals and the weather...”

“Lack of sleep and stress can compromise the immune system.” Betty, one of the older officers who used to make Nathan dinner when he would stay late at the station when he was younger, told him. “Why don’t you go into your Daddy’s office and rest. He’ll be back soon.”

And so Nathan did.

He tried sitting on the couch, leg bouncing while he picked at the hole in his jeans. Then he had moved to the floor when the nausea got worse, holding his father’s waste bin between his legs while he rested his forehead on his knees. He had nodded off for only a few minutes before the floor got too cold and too hard and his aching body couldn’t handle sitting there anymore. So he moved back to the couch. He took off his jacket when the room turned into a sauna, then wrapped the light blanket around his shoulders when he started to shiver. 

He paced around the room for a while after that. The blanket, still secured around him. He decided to rest when his knees nearly gave out and almost sent him crashing to the floor. That’s how he ended up sitting on his father’s desk, blanket around his shoulder, hugging his arm to his torso, and chewing on the nail of his thumb. 

“Nathan?” The Chief's voice broke through the fog surrounding Nathan’s head, clogging his ears. 

“Dad…” Nathan looked up at his father with burning eyes, and brokenly whispered, “I need help.”

Garland stood in the doorway of his office for a moment, frozen, eyes wide and breath shallow. He had never experienced this before. Never had Nathan asked for help. His son was independant and as stubborn as they come. His son was also more capable than most of the seasoned officers Garland worked with. Nothing could shake his boy, nothing could keep him down, at times it seemed like nothing could hurt him. But something did. And for the first time in a long time, Nathan was visibly struggling, but this time he was asking for Garland’s help. 

“Alright.” Garland nodded, slowly walking over to his son. 

Nathan, once again surprised him by throwing himself into his father’s arms and collapsing against him. “I fucked up.”

“It’s okay.” Garland spoke softly as he held his son. “I’ve got you.”

“I’m fucked up.” Nathan was crying, nearly sobbing out his broken confession. “I’m so fucked, I fucked up so bad.”

“It’s going to be alright.” Garland reassured. “You’re home now… I’m here, I’ll make it better.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright.” 

He took Nathan home after that. He tucked Nathan in for the first time since his son was eight. He put a trash bin next to his bed, brought a water bottle in and set it on the nightstand, and made sure Nathan was comfortable. He then got a wet cloth and placed it on Nathan’s forehead and one on the back of his neck. 

The Chief then did something he hadn’t done since Nathan’s trouble first appeared… he turned off the lights in the room, leaving on the lamp next to the opposite side of the bed that Nathan was asleep on, and settled himself against the headboard of Nathan’s bed. He had a book next to him he’d been meaning to read for a year or so now, and was ready to stay watching over his son all night. 

And that’s what he did. 

He was there at around midnight when Nathan woke up screaming in pain. He was there a half hour later when the nausea came back full force and he held his son when his stomach had emptied and he was spitting out burning bial. He was there when Nathan begged for something, anything, to make it stop. He was there when Nathan cried. He was there when Nathan decided that being sober was not an option, and talked him out of making a bad decision. He was there when his son confessed to him that he didn’t want to die anymore, now that he felt like he was dying. He was there for it all. 

And in the morning he made pancakes.

And while Nathan showered he stripped the bed and put fresh sheets on, even if they were just going to get messed up with sweat and vomit and tears again, his son deserved some clean sheets to start with. 

And they ate breakfast together. Nathan taking small, slow bites while he tested to see if his stomach could handle it. His hands still shook as he brought the fork to his mouth, and his eyes drooped while they talked. But Nathan was there, and so was his dad. 

“Nate, I want to make a deal with you.” Garland said not long into their breakfast. “I don’t want you to be alone with this whole ‘getting sober’ thing. So I’m going to do it with you.”

“Dad, you are sober.” Nathan shook his head, “thank you though.”

“I may not be on drugs, but I do have a bad nicotine addiction.” Garland pointed out. “You’ve been tellin’ me for years. So I’m gonna stop smokin’, and you’re gonna stop the drugs, and we will do this together.” 

“Really?”

Garland nodded, “Yep.”

“Thanks Dad… for everything.” 

Garland just nodded again, “Eat your pancakes. You’re gettin’ too skinny.”


	2. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: descriptions of death, implied mass shooting 
> 
> we working through some trauma with this one

A week later, Nathan was handling the waves of withdrawal better, but his cravings were getting worse. His father was more supportive than he had ever been and while Nathan appreciated it and actually kind of enjoyed it, he also felt like he was being suffocated. So he had to get away for awhile. So he called Dwight.

Dwight had told him to come over and he’d make lunch, then they’d go camping. 

Nathan found himself sitting on the most comfortable reclining chair he’s ever sat in, in an adorable little house, located in what many around town called the ‘better’ part of Haven. In his arms was a tiny little human, only a couple months old. 

When he’d showed up at Dwight’s door, looking more put together than he had in years, the older man hugged him then put his daughter in Nathan’s arms saying “It’s hard to cook while holding her, and she’s really clingy right now.” 

It was no secret that Nathan loved kids, and even more so, babies. He wanted to be a father, but never thought he would be one. Especially now that he was an addict and the love of his life had sailed away, never to return. 

Lizzie didn’t seem to care that Nathan had problems. She didn’t care that he hadn’t shaved in weeks, though he didn’t have much to show for it. She didn’t care that his hair was longer than he usually kept it but most likely because it was nowhere as long as her father’s hair. She didn’t care that he wasn’t perfect, that he was damaged beyond repair. She just liked that he was warm and his shirt was soft. 

“She likes you!” Dwight cooed as he brought in sodas and bowls of chowder. “She usually cries when someone else holds her.” 

“I like her too.” Nathan spoke softly, looking down at the infant, “We’re friends, right Lizzie?”

“Good.” Dwight smiled, “You need more of those.” 

“So I’m guessing my father told you what’s been going on?” 

“No,” Dwight shook his head. “But I can figure it out.”

There was a long pause, where neither spoke. Nathan avoided looking at his friend by focusing all his attention on the baby girl in his arms. Dwight sat patiently, waiting for Nathan to be ready. 

“Thanks for letting me come over,” Nathan finally spoke. 

“Anytime. You’re always welcome here,” Dwight told him. “I’m just glad Lizzie finally gets to spend time with her uncle.”

“Dwight…” 

“Nathan, you are my family,” Dwight told him. “My annoying, crazy, lovable little brother. And that makes you Lizzie’s fun and caring uncle.”

“Thank you,” Nathan couldn’t keep the smile from his face. “I’m honored.”

“I’d also like to ask if you’d consider being her godfather?”

“I can't,” Nathan said immediately. “You don’t want that.”

“Why?”

“Look at me. Look at why I’m home.” Nathan sighed, “If I can’t take care of myself, how would I ever be able to take care of her?” 

“The fact that you’re worried about that makes me sure you’d take care of her,” Dwight told him. “You’ve had a rough few years, I get that, but this doesn’t define who you are. You are still the kid who jumped into the pool to save Hank even though he gave you a black eye two days before. You’re still the same kid who sat by his father’s hospital bed for a week after he was shot. Just because you’ve made some bad choices and are in a dark place right now, doesn’t mean that you’re a whole different person. You get that right?”

“I’m starting to.” 

“Good,” Dwight nodded and took a sip of his coke. “We’ve all got demons Nate… I’d be more concerned if you didn’t, especially from growing up in this town.”

Neither were men of many words, so they fell into a comfortable quiet while they had lunch. When they were finished eating, Dwight made a bottle for Lizzie and handed it to Nathan. 

While Nathan was feeding Lizzie, cooing to her and making silly faces the whole time, Dwight took some pictures. One day he’d tell her about how much her uncle loved her from the start.

Once Lizzie was fed, Dwight put her down for a nap. When he came back Nathan was sitting in the chair, knee bouncing, and chugging the rest of his now flat soda. 

“You good?” 

Nathan nodded. 

Dwight sat down across from him and sighed, “What was your poison?” 

Nathan hesitated, “Anything that could get me numb… I guess.”

Dwight nodded understanding and sighed again, “How long?”

“Since Freshman year.” Nathan shrugged, really it had started before Duke left, but usually he was just numbing himself with weed, liquor… and Duke. “Kent was a dealer.”

“Your roommate right?” 

Nathan nodded, “I got free shit as long as I kept my mouth shut and helped out sometimes.”

“Sweet deal.”

“Yeah, it made getting it real easy.” Nathan sighed, “I didn’t have to wait or anything. He’d get shit from his supplier and I’d help him test it out.”

Dwight gave him a sad yet pride filled smile, “I’m proud of you for coming home.”

“I didn’t know what else to do,” Nathan ran a shaking hand down his face. “Kent was gone, his supplier was arrested, and the other dealers around campus got spooked and wouldn’t sell.”

“So you were cut off.” 

“I want to say I made the decision to stop…” Nathan absentmindedly rubbed at the crease of his arm, “but I’m not sure I’d be here if Kent hadn't left.”

Dwight nodded, the lack of judgment was confusing to Nathan but very welcome, “How does that realization make you feel?” 

Nathan didn’t hesitate, “Scared.” 

“Okay, why?” 

Words were coming out of his mouth before he knew what he was saying, “I’m scared that when posed with another opportunity to take something— if I get desperate enough to go down to the hospital clinic and do what I know will work to get some Dilaudid from Leo or even go to the pharmacy and try to get some Vicodin from Carlie…. or even finding Hank and finally cashing in my favor for saving him and scoring some Heroin— I will do it.” 

“You’ve thought about it.” It wasn’t a question, but it wasn’t an accusation either. 

Nathan nodded, “All the fucking time.”

“But you haven’t acted on it.” 

“The Chief’s been my warden since I got here.” Nathan’s mind caught up with his fingers scratching at his arm and he stopped abruptly, his finger squeezing hard around his skin.

“You could’ve gone today instead of coming here, or stopped on your way here. You could go after you walk out the door.” Dwight shrugged, “But you won’t.” 

Nathan raised an eyebrow, “I won’t?” 

“No, you won't,” Dwight stated with such confidence it left barely any room for Nathan to doubt him. “Because you don’t want to.”

“I don’t?” 

“Nathan, you drove here from class,” Dwight reminded him. “I assume you were already feeling withdrawal, if your roommate was expelled and no one else was selling, I’m guessing you hadn’t had a fix in a while.” 

Nathan nodded and ran his fingers through his hair, “Too long.” 

“But you didn’t stop along the way, you didn’t go to Hank or Carlie when you got here, you went to your father’s office and asked for help.” Dwight told him, “You made that decision, maybe getting cut off forced you to make a choice, but you decided you wanted to get sober and you’re actively choosing to stay sober and get clean no matter how tortured you feel.”

They sat quietly for a while. Nathan digesting what Dwight told him, Dwight keeping his brother company. Dwight could tell his friend was getting restless, his knee started bobbing up and down as his chowder had gone cold that Nathan made eye contact with Dwight again, his eyes flicking away as soon as they met. 

“I don’t think he’s coming back,” His voice was barely above a whisper.

Dwight nodded, “Doesn't seem like it.”

“I want to tell him...” Nathan furrowed his brow, surprised by his own admission, “I want him to be proud of me for getting clean.”

“He would be proud of you.” Dwight assured, “We all are.” 

“All I could think about after Kent left, was how much it hurt when Duke left, and how- and how much I wished he was there holding me.” Nathan felt a tear snaking down his cheek but did nothing to clear it, “I felt like if he was there holding me together, I wouldn’t… fall apart so easy.”

“I’m sorry he left you.” Dwight sighed, “but-”

“Please don’t say I’m better off without him,” Nathan practically begged. “I know you feel that way, but I can’t hear that right now. It’s very obvious I am not better off without him.” 

“Alright,” Dwight agreed, “but you do have people here for you. Maybe not the people you want, but you’ve got us.”

“Thank you.” Nathan smiled, tears still in his eyes, “Do you mind if I come by a lot?”

“You’re always welcome here.” Dwight smiled and stood from his chair, “Infact, I’ve been meaning to give this to you.”

Nathan’s eyes never left the man as he went to the table and grabbed something small, then walked back over to Nathan and held his fist out. 

“What?” 

“Put out your hand.” Dwight chuckled, “It’s not gonna bite, I promise.” 

Nathan did as he was told and gasped when he felt coldness sting his hand. He then processed what landed on his palm.

“A key?” He gazed up at the older man, confusion written all over his face. 

“Yes, it unlocks the front door.”

“I don’t…”

“Like I said, you’re always welcome here.” Dwight smiled, “Even when we’re not home. Besides, you need to be able to get in when I call you to take care of Lizzie or I’m too busy getting ready to let you in.” 

“Thank you,” Nathan gasped out quietly. “I really don’t know what to say.”

“Say you’ll come to me when you feel like you’re falling apart.” Dwight put his hand on Nathan’s honey shoulder, “Promise me you’ll talk to me before you make any impulsive plans to visit Carlie, or Hank, or Leo, or anyone else in this town who has access and low morals.” 

Nathan nodded, not knowing what else to say to his friend. 

He didn’t figure out what to say until they were on the road, heading to the nearby campgrounds. Not a lot of people would be camping this time of year, the tourists were all gone and wouldn't be back until Haven was “pretty” again. Nathan thought all seasons in Haven were beautiful, the way the ground froze before fall was over and how he’d walk beside Duke who still tended to keep an eye on him while they walked on icy pavement, more out of habit than actual worry. Nathan could feel it now. He could feel the cold air stinging his skin and could feel his feet hit the slick patches, he could take care of himself now… he had to. He even enjoyed the sweltering heat that hit in the middle of summer that was only made better by sitting in the sand or one a boat with a cold beer and… Duke. 

“What’s up?” Dwight broke the silence, “bored of me already?”

Nathan shook his head but couldn’t shake empty feeling inside, “Being back just… it brings up… things.”

“Have you dated anyone since him?”

“We never dated.” Nathan was too quick with his response, and sighed, “... yeah, there were some people.”

“Some?”

“I don’t know… they were all either too much like him but not in the right ways, or too different from him.” Nathan shrugged and ran his knuckles over the cooling glass of Dwight’s truck, “There was this one girl, she was beautiful, full of life and happiness, I lost myself in her.”

“What’s her name?”

Nathan smiled sadly, “Lana.” 

“Was she too much like Duke? Or not enough?”

“Neither.” Nathan smiled, “She was completely herself, and I think she and Duke could have been friends.”

“She sounds like a saint.” 

“She was.”

Dwight could tell he was getting somewhere with his friend so he pressed on, “C’mon, spill, tell me all your hot hookups. I have a baby and a live-in girlfriend, the most action I see is when Lizzie is getting breastfed.”

They both laughed, but Nathan’s mind was elsewhere. 

“There’s not a lot to tell,” Nathan shrugged, effectively curling in on himself. “There was Lana, for the first few months of Freshman year, then there were a string of meaningless, faceless hookups I met at the parties on Greek Row, most of whom were even more fucked up than I was. Then there was Carter, for like two seconds, but he was too much like Duke in the worst ways. We stayed friends though, and he ended up dating my other friend, and then we ended up kinda dating again for a minute. Uh… there was Wayne, but he was a bad idea from the start.”

“Wayne?” 

“He was a Professor.” Nathan ran his hand down his face, “He wasn’t like… it wasn’t to get a better grade or anything. I had him for one semester and then he called me in for office hours and… that was that.”

“When was that?”

“Beginning of last year.” Nathan made a face. “I was seeing Carter as well, but he was also fucking Wayne.”

Dwight couldn't believe what his young friend was telling him, Nathan couldn't even buy beer yet, “How does Wayne still work at that school?”

“He doesn’t.” Nathan smirked, “He pressured a freshman into blowing him in his office, and didn’t know or didn’t care that she was only seventeen.” 

“That’s awful.” 

“Yeah, he’s retired now, and Kent is in jail,” Nathan seemed angrier than Dwight had seen him in a long time, his fists clenching so hard his fingernails dug into his palms, nearly drawing blood. “And Missy, the girl, she and I got close because she was Lana’s roommate and started dating Kent, and was just as hooked as I was.”

“Did you and Kent… ever-”

“A couple times, mostly when Missy and I were too fucked up to tell who was who,” Nathan said it as if he was talking about the weather, as if it didn’t break Dwight’s heart to hear. 

In all honesty, Nathan wasn’t aware it would. He was fine. Well, not fine, but not broken because of that. Kent and Missy had been a safe haven for him. Neither one judged him. Missy had been close with Lana when he was dating her. She was nice to him. She sat with him at the funeral. She had cried into his shoulder and she held his hand, and she had held him while he broke down in the bathroom of the chapel. She’d stayed in his room for a while, not able to go back to the dorm she shared with Lana. 

Missy was the only person he’d told when he left. They had been keeping tabs on each other for a while, and even more so after Kent was expelled and then arrested. He knew he should probably call her soon and let her know he got back home alright, but the idea of admitting that he was more fucked up than they knew. He couldn’t hurt her more than she was already hurting. 

“So what happened?” Dwight asked, “With Lana? You talk about her like I should’ve been expecting a save the date card.”

“Oh… uh…” Nathan hesitated, hadn’t his father told Dwight? Nathan had assumed everyone in town knew about this girlfriend and their tragic end. “The Chief didn’t tell you?”

“Nope, I only know what you’ve told me.” Dwight glanced at Nathan, “And you never even mentioned any dates or hookups, let alone a serious girlfriend.”

“Oh…” Nathan furrowed his brow, “I just assumed… Dad met her, once, when he came to visit for my birthday… I think.”

“Alright, so she was serious enough to meet the Chief, amazing enough for you to not to compare her to…  _ him _ , you’re still obviously in love with her… sooo..?” Dwight mused, “Something bad, really bad, must have happened for the two of you to break up. Am I right?”

Nathan nodded, taking a deep breath. 

“You gonna make me guess?” Dwight teased, “Alright, uh… did someone cheat on someone? She figure out she’s gay gay?”

“No, nothing like that.” Nathan smiled sadly, “We didn’t need to cheat, if we wanted to… explore? I guess… we just talked about it and did it together or with each other’s blessing. She was bi, not gay. She liked men too much to be vagitarian.”

Dwight snorted, “Vagitarian?”

“Her words, not mine.” Nathan laughed, “She was always saying things like that. She could phrase the worst things in ways that made it all not seem so bad. I keep wishing she was here right now so she could fix everything with just a few words.”

“Call her.” Dwight suggested, as if it was that simple. Nathan wished it was that simple. 

“I wish I could.”

“You guys didn’t break up because of the drugs? Did you?” Dwight kept his voice as casual as he could, but Nathan could hear the hesitation. 

“No, no, she sometimes partook in our deviant activities,” Nathan let out a huff of laughter.

“Then why can’t you call her?” Dwight asked, “I’m sure no matter how bad the breakup was, she’d want to be there for you. Especially if she loved you as much as you love her.”

“Dwight…” Nathan didn’t know how to tell him, he hadn’t known how to tell anyone so he just… did, “She’s dead.”

For the most part, Dwight kept his reaction subtle. He didn’t jerk the steering wheel too hard. He barely tapped on the breaks. The gasp didn’t fully escape his mouth. All he said was a quiet, “Oh”. 

“Yeah, uh…” Nathan didn’t know what else to say, “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.” Dwight’s voice was soft and sad, “Fuck Nate… I had no idea.”

Nathan nodded, “We were just… dancing, before it happened.”

_ Kent and Nathan were the last ones to arrive at the girls’ dorm. Dean and Carter were already there, Carter was making food for the group while Missy and Lana did Dean’s make up. It was their normal Thursday night routine. Dean was the DSP, Designated Sober Person, for the night because he had work on Friday, and everyone was staying relatively sober because they had midterms coming up.  _

_ The group had a pretty good system of who was staying the most sober that night. Dean was always the DSP on Thursday nights. They all switched off on Friday nights, but Carter worked most often on the weekends so he would stay soberish then. Nathan and Lana had class all Monday through Wednesday and were usually sober then. Kent was rarely sober but he paid for everyone most nights, so he got a pass. And Missy was the Mom no matter if she was the DSP or if she was black out drunk.  _

_ It was a normal Thursday, a routine they had perfected almost as well as the DSP. The night should have started and ended with everyone safe and passed out in the designated dorm, the girls’ dorm that night. Kent should have been asleep in Missy’s bed, the two of them tangled together. Nathan should have fallen into the bed against the opposite wall with Lana nearly on top of him, her hair tickling his nose. Dean should have taken off all their shoes, grabbed water for everyone and curled up on the floor with Carter. Dean’s head should have been pillowed on Carter’s chest and he should have been drooling on his shirt.  _

_ Instead, they ended the night in the hospital.  _

_ They’d been dancing, X’s on their hands because they were still so young. The group kept switching partners. The girls were twirled from guy to guy. Carter danced with both girls pressed against him, leaving Dean and Nathan to dance together while Kent took a breather and laughed at his friends. Missy and Lana danced together, leaving Nathan and Kent to partner up while Dean and Carter took a minute from making out on the dance floor to run off to the bathroom. Sometimes, the actual couples ended up dancing together, kissing every now and then, but they were all there, enjoying their time together. The biggest worry on their minds were midterms.  _

_ It all changed at 8:12.  _

_ They hadn’t been there long when the man walked in. Nathan never saw him, his back was facing the door as he danced with Lana, Missy and Kent. All he did was blink and suddenly all he could hear was the screams of his friends and the strangers who were just dancing around them. He blinked again and he was on the ground, a whooshing in his ears instead of the screams. He felt shaking arms around him as he blinked and blinked but saw nothing.  _

_ Then he saw her.  _

_ Lana was laying in front of him, her eyes open but vacant, looking towards him but staring at nothing.  _

_ He wasn’t aware of how long he stayed pressed to the ground, Kent holding him down, just staring at Lana, but the next thing he knew he was sitting on the curb outside the dance club. Kent still had his arm around his shoulders, but Lana was no longer in front of him. He wasn’t aware but next to him, Missy held Carter as he sobbed. They were all crying. Nathan had shocked tears rolling down his face, even if he wasn’t consciously processing anything yet. Kent was shaking as he clutched Nathan, his breaths coming out in gasps. Carter was a mess of tears and snot and blood as he broke down in Missy’s arms. Missy had tears streaming freely down her cheeks and she cried and tried to calm Carter.  _

“I still don’t know… I never really got the timeline of when or how we ended up at the hospital.” Nathan brushed a tear from under his eye and cleared his throat, “Dean ended up in a coma for two weeks before he actually died. Carter stayed with him the entire time, we all spent a lot of time there. It was easier to deal with- with Lana when we were focused on Dean. But after… after De- after Dean finally… we just… everything fell apart.”

Dwight didn’t know what to say, and Nathan was glad his friend was quiet. He’d learned that nothing anyone said could help. Nothing made it hurt less. Nothing brought Lana and Dean back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yaaaa i'm still in this fandom lmao

**Author's Note:**

> I have this headcanon that Nathan doesn't really know how to feel things. Like physically and otherwise, so when he does he freaks out. Therefore he tries to numb himself. I mean, if he can't feel anything on the outside why would he want to feel anything on the inside? right?


End file.
